Greetings friends and fellow Canadians on the day we celebrate our unity and the making of this great country!  This is my prose about CANADIANS!

A brief overview of our history

Canada had many famous explorers visit her land; Sameul de Champlain, Jacques Cartier, John Cabot and so on... Canada was just a French colony (the later a British) at first, and the USA a British coloy.  Well to befrank, a bunch of crap happened that all you canadians learned in history class and I'm sure you dont want to hear it again.   As for you Americans, I can safely say that you don't learn any of our history but if you wish to know, look it up.    Welll sooner or later the american revolution came about and the USA said "hey, NS wanna join us??" and NS said "screw you, we've got a huge British Naval base in Halifax, we'll get our asses kicked if we do! Plus we have good trade with them!" and the Americans said " hey NFLD!" and NFLD said "we won't even join Canada until the 1940's!" and the Americans said "hey Quebec!" and Quebec said "non!  Vous ne nous laisserez pas parler notre langue ou avoir notre propre religion"   (or in other words, you won't let us speak our language or have our own religion).  So there, Canada fought the states by using privateers to steal their ships... only legal!  Well then the french came over and were like "hey, you're fighting the british eh?  let us help!!"  And they did, and then you had a revolution.  

So then John A.  MacDonald came along and he was all for getting a sort of country goin on just like in the States.   Well, a lot of people disliked this idea.  Esspecially Nova Scotia.  But before they could do a thing, Charles Tupper signed up and they were the first in Canada and the first to want out (so don't diss the Quebecois cause NS were the first seperatists) and sooner or later, Canada was made cause John A. Macdonald suckered us all in... except for NFLD who still didn't join til the 1940's.  And then Macdonald became our prime minister!  Woowhoo!  So, there you have it, a brief look at how we became Canada.

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Well my friends, I want to point out some very neat things about Canada:

- During a revenge battle in the states (revenge because the USA burnt down York which is now Toronto), the Canadians went in to Washington DC and burnt down the senate house.  Oh but it didn't stop there, the Canadians decided to burn down the Presidents house.  All that was left standing was the bricks and to this day, the same ones remain and are white washed over and over again... thus, you now have, the white house!

- The same vengeful Canadians wanted to scare the Americans so while in DC they shot rockets off and this is when an American man came up with the National Anthem!  (just think, if the Americans hadn't pissed us off, they wouldn't have a national anthem)

- Canada means village, how about you all go watch some Canadian Heritage commericals and learn that the natives pointed at the village and said Canada but the dumb explorers said "yes, this land is Canada!".

- A Canadian invented basketball 1891... his name was James Naismith  (and he used a peach basket!!)

- We invented hockey, everyone knows that!

- We (actually the First Nations people of this land) invented Lacrosse!  A very violent sport might I add.

- Did you know that two Canadians actually invented the lightbulb but sold the patent to Thomas Edison.  He improved upon the idea, and well we all know the rest.  

- We invented the snowblower (we would need it)*

-  We invented the Snowmodile*

- The telephone!!  Alexander Graham Bell invented it in 1878

-  The Zipper!

- Samuel De Champlain is the real father of thanksgiving.  He was here a hundred years before the Mayflower and the Puritans ever came over!  He discovered all the same places, and made alliances with the natives.  Not only that, he made the Order Of Good Cheer, where every fortnight they drank and had lots of food during the winter!   Lots of fun and drinking ;)

- We have shows that make fun of ourselves such as Canadian Air Farce and This Hour Has 22 Minutes... but not only that, we have one of the funniest shows ever:  "Talking To Americans".  

- Our flag is so unique there is no way you'll ever mix it up with anyone else's!

-  We are the second largest landmass in the world!

- We have two national languages English and French.

- Um, it's Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, not Sorcer's!

- We have the best side of Niagra Falls!

*Although Canada has lots and lots of snow, these two objects are not needed in the summer, most places in Canada (unless it's Nunavut) do not have snow in the summer. (like some think ;) )

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Some Canadian Music
- Celine Dion
- Our Lady Peace
- Simple Plan
- Bif Naked
- Treble Charger
- Sum41
- Avril Lavigne
- Fefe Dobson
- Nelly Furtado
- K-os
- Swollen Members
- Ann Murray
- Great Big Sea
- Ashley MacIssac
- Wave
- Bryan Adams
- Alanis Morrisette
- April Wine
- Barenaked Ladies
- Big Sugar
- Matthew Good Band
- Sarah McLachlen
- Crush
- The Tragically Hip
- Neil Young

And so on....

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Canadian jokes

- three guys discover Canada and they wonder "what will we call the land, eh?"
so the first one goes "C, eh"
and the second "N, eh
and the third "D, eh"
and you got C A N A D A

- US Condom Factory Blows Up


President Bill Clinton called Chretien with an emergency: "Our largest
condom factory has exploded!" the American President cried. "My people's
favorite form of birth control!  This is a true disaster!"

"Bill, the Canadian people would be happy to do anything within their power
to help you," replied the Prime Minister.

"I do need your help," said Clinton.  "Could you possibly send 1,000,000
condoms ASAP to tide us over?"

"Why certainly!  I'll get right on it!" said Chretien.

Oh, and one more small favor, please?" said Clinton.

"Yes?"

"Could the condoms be red, white & blue in color; at least 10" long and 4"
in diameter?" said Clinton.

"No problem," replied the Prime Minister and, with that, Chretien hung up
and called the President of Trojan. "I need a favor, you've got to make
1,000,000 condoms right away and send them to America."

"Consider it done," said the President of Trojan.

"Great!  Now listen, they have to be red, white & blue in color; at least
10" long and 4" in diameter."

"Easily done. Anything else?"

"Yeah," said the Prime Minister, "and print 'MADE IN CANADA; MEDIUM SIZE'
on
each one."

And Everyone's favourite!  The top ten reasons to live in each province!

British Columbia

1.      Weed
2.      Vancouver:  1.5 million people and two bridges
3.      The local hero is a pot-smoking snowboarder
4.      The local wine doesn't taste like malt vinegar
5.      Your $400,000 Vancouver home is 5 hours from downtown
6.      A university with a nude beach
7.      You can throw a rock and hit three Starbucks locations
8.      If a cop pulls you over, just offer them some of your hash
9.      There's always some sort of deforestation protest going on
10.     Cannabis

Alberta

1.      Big Rock
2.      Preston Manning
3.      Tax is 7 percent instead of approx. 200 percent
4.      The Premier is a fat, wife-beating alcoholic with a grade 4
         education
5.      Flames vs. Oilers
6.      Stamps vs. Eskies
7.      You can exploit almost any natural resource you can think of
8.      Eventually, it will be your town's turn to ban VLT's
9.      The Americans below you are all in anti-government militia
         groups
10.     You can attempt to murder your rich oil tycoon husband and get
          away with it

Manitoba

1.      You wake up one morning to find you suddenly have beachfront
           property
2.      Amusing town names like "Flin Flon" and "Winnipeg"
3.      All your local bands make it big and move to Toronto
4.      The only province to ever violently rebel against the federal
        government
5.      Hundreds of huge, horribly frigid lakes
6.      Nothing compares to a wicked Winnipeg winter
7.      You don't need a car, just take the canoe to work
8.      You can be an Easterner or a Westerner depending on your mood
9.      Because of your license plate, you are still "friendly" even
         when you cut someone off
10.     Pass the time watching trucks and barns float by

Saskatchewan

1.      You never run out of wheat
2.      Those cool Saskatewan Wheat Pool hats
3.      Cruise control takes on a whole new meaning
4.      Your province is really easy to draw
5.      You never have to worry about roll-back if you have a
         standard
6.      It takes you two weeks to walk to your neighbor's house
7.      YOUR Roughriders survived
8.      You can watch the dog run away from home for hours
9.      People will assume you live on a farm
10.     Buying a huge John Deere mower makes sense

Ontario

1.      You live in the center of the universe
2.      Your $400,000 Toronto home is actually a dump
3.      You and you alone decide who will win the federal election
4.      There's no such thing as an Ontario Seperatist
5.      Your grandparents sold booze to the States during Prohibition
6.      Lots of tourists come to Toronto because they mistakenly
         believe it's a cool city
7.      The only province with hard-core American-style crime
8.      MuchMusic's Speaker's Corner - rant and rave on national TV
        for a dollar
9.      Baseball fans park on your front lawn and pee on the side of
        your house
10.     Mike Harris:  basically a sober Ralph Klein

Quebec

1.      Everybody assumes you're an asshole
2.      Racism is socially acceptable
3.      The only province to ever kidnap federal politicians
4.      You can take bets with your friends on which English neighbor
          will move out next
5.      Other provinces basically bribe you to stay in Canada
6.      The FLQ
7.      Your hockey team is made up entirely of dirty French guys
8.      The province with the oldest, nastiest hookers
9.      NON-smokers are the outcasts
10.     You can blame all your problems on the "Anglo bastards"

New Brunswick

1.      You are sandwiched between French assholes and drunken celtic
          fiddlers
2.      One way or another, the government gets 98 percent of your
          income
3.      You're poor, but not as poor as the Newfies
4.      When listing the provinces, everyone forgets to mention yours
5.      The economy is based on fish, cows, and ferrying Ontario
         motorists to Boston
6.      No one ever blames anything on New Brunswick
7.      You have French people, but they don't want to kill you
8.      Everybody has a Grandfather who runs a lighthouse
9.      Just as charming as Maine, but with more unemployed fishermen
10.     You probably live in a small seaside cottage with no
          television

Nova Scotia

1.      The only place in North America to get bombed in the war ...
        by a moron who set a munitions ship on fire
2.      Your province is shaped like male genitalia
3.      Everyone is a fiddle player
4.      If someone asks if you're a Newfie, you are allowed to kick
         their ass
5.      The local hero is an insane, fiddle playing, sexual pervert
6.      The province that produced Rita MacNeil, the world's largest
         land mammal
7.      You are the reason Anne Murray makes money
8.      You can pretend you have Scottish heritage as an excuse to
          wear a kilt
9.      The economy is based on fish, lobster, and fiddle music
10.     Even though it smells like dead sea animals, Halifax is
          considered Canada's most beautiful city

Prince Edward Island

1.      Even though more people live on Vancouver Island, you still
         got the big-ass bridge
2.      You can walk across the province in half an hour
3.      You were probably once an extra on "Road to Avonlea"
4.      This is where all those tiny red potatoes come from
5.      The economy is based on fish, potatoes, and CBC TV shows
6.      Tourists arrive, see the "Anne of Green Gables" house, then
         promptly leave
7.      You can drive across the the province in two minutes
8.      It doesn't matter to you if Quebec separates
9.      You don't share a border with the Americans, or with anyone
         for that matter
10.     You can confuse ships by turning your porch lights on and off
         at night

Newfoundland

1.      The poorest, drunkest province in Confederation
2.      If Quebec Seperates, you will float off to sea
3.      In the rare case when someone moves to the Rock, you can make
         them kiss a dead cod
4.      The economy is based on fish, seafood, and fish-related
         products
5.      If you do something stupid, you have a built-in excuse
6.      You understand the meaning of Great Big Sea's lyrics
7.      The work day is about two hours long
8.      You are credited with many great inventions, like the
         solar-powered flashlight and the screen door for submarines
9.      If someone asks if you're from Nova Scotia, you are allowed
         to kick their ass
10.     It is socially acceptable to wear your hip waders on your
         wedding day

- A Canadian is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm.

His friend Randy stops him and asks, "Hey Dave! Whatcha got that case of beer for?"

"Well, I got it for my wife, you see?" answers Dave.

"Wow," exclaims Randy, "Great trade."

- On the sixth day God turned to Archangel Gabriel and said:
"Today I am going to create a land called Canada, it
will be a land of outstanding natural beauty. It shall
have tall majestic mountains full of mountain goats and
eagles, beautiful sparkling lakes bountiful with bass
and trout, forests full of elk and moose, high cliffs
over-looking sandy beaches with an abundance of sea life,
and rivers stocked with salmon."

God continued, "I shall make the land rich in oil so
as to make the inhabitants prosper, I shall call these
inhabitants Canadians, and they shall be known as the
most friendly people on the earth."

"But Lord," asked Gabriel "don't you think you are
being too generous to these Canadians?"

"Not really," replied God "just wait and see the
neighbors I am going to give them."


---------------------------



What do you like or think about Canada?

*Comedy!!! Oh god were so funny... I assume all my fellow canadians have seen Rick Mercer's 'Talking to Americans'? That proves how much we have for humor. I love that about our country; comedy. - :devsilverstorm88:

*I think Canda is great I mean, I live in Quebec and I think It's a badass place to live. Once in a while when i'm down, all I have to do is go up to Mount-Royal and look down at the city, it's so beautiful.
:devthe-extenuate:

* OOHH! my fave thing is that we don't have to worry about getting bombed because the only people we piss off are yanks
:devblack-death-rose:

*Coz we are a peace loving country.


*raises hockey stick*
:devflashtek:

*I quite like Canada. Beautiful country, what I've seen of it. I've only been up around where Michigan touches it though. I'd love to spend more time there. Love to spend more time anywhere other than where I am, come to think of it.  Ah, well. Living elsewhere for University next fall anyhow, so whatever.
Ok, I'm going to stop rambling now.
:devHermioneann: (from the US)

*i would like to move there some day. canada seems to me like a very quite, clean place to live
:devrubyred: (from the US)

*I like canada because we are very friendly, open minded people. i love the 4 seasons, i love the freak storms (juan and blizzard) i love the ability to go anywheres, the nature, the water, the un-crowdedness , the freedom
I LOVE CANADA
:devmustang-chase:

------------------------------

Today my friends, is our country's birthday.  Whether you're in one of the first four provinces, or the last ones to join, this is a day for us as Canadians, to celebrate our heritage!  Today, we live in a country where not everything is always right, and the government isn't always fair (or hardly ever), but we have many things to be thankful for.  Our clean water, free health care, freedom of speech, the freedom to worship any religion we please and to practice our cultures freely, we are peace keepers, and we have a beautiful country, that's so big, we'll never ever get to see all of it but hopefully in our life times be able to see lots!  Today, we are united, in country that is not a melting pot society.  We are diverse, a cultural mosaic, under one flag, and today is a celebration to be ourselves as Canadian!  So, with that said, go out, have fun, and celebrate, the birth of this beautiful nation!!!


I would like to end this by saying something that has become a motto to us all...

Hey.
I'm not a lumberjack,
or a fur trader...
and I don't live in an igloo
or eat blubber, or own a dogsled...
and I don't know Jimmy, Sally or Suzy from Canada,
although I'm certain they're really, really nice.

I have a Prime Minister,
not a President.
I speak English and French,
NOT American.
and I pronouce it ABOUT,
NOT A BOOT.

I can proudly sew my country's flag on my backpack.
I believe in peace keeping, NOT policing.
DIVERSITY, NOT assimilation,
AND THAT THE BEAVER IS A TRULY PROUD AND NOBLE ANIMAL.
A TOQUE IS A HAT,
A CHESTERFIELD IS A COUCH,
AND IT IS PRONOUCED 'ZED' NOT 'ZEE', 'ZED'!

CANADA IS THE SECOND LARGEST LANDMASS!
THE FIRST NATION OF HOCKEY!
AND THE BEST PART OF NORTH AMERICA!

MY NAME IS JOE!
AND I AM CANADIAN!



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People and website notes:
http://www.webpresspro.com/funnyfarm/category/canadian_joke_page.htm
:devblackzer0:
http://sofinesjoyfulmoments.com/humor/eh2.htm
- School history books
- http://home7.swipnet.se/~w-72891/CanadianClub/CCsales/ad.html
- http://canada.gc.ca/acanada/acPubHome.jsp?lang=eng


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Disclaimer:  My opinions (and others stated here) do not represent all of the Canadians.  Please have a sense of humour and do not take me too seriously.  This was for a bit of fun!